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[0:00] Peter, in the grace of the Lord, really appreciate very much the affirmations that you bring to me as your Christian brother in my service to you, to our church family as I seek to preach the word.

[0:27] Ladies, thank you for the wonderful and kind affirmations you offered last week as a man stood before you to preach on this topic. You pray for me, and you were so faithful and kind, and I really do appreciate I wanted to say something to you about that.

[0:43] I hope I didn't run them off, right? We're a little thinner, but that's all good. Now, guys, I'm putting the word out. God willing, next week, I get to verse 7, and the men get to sit and listen, and even though it's just one verse and not six verses, it is power-packed.

[1:01] Believe me, we'll need to buckle up. The Lord has some wonderful, wonderful things to say to us as husbands, godly husbands, Christian men, as we serve our wives, as we submit to Christ in serving our wives and doing all that we can to honor them as our spiritual equals.

[1:24] Our spiritual equals. Well, the title of my message for this morning continues to be Living to Display God's Grace. That's the overall theme that I want to hammer home to us in our hearts.

[1:37] We are being called to live in these ways through submission particularly, whether it's to government or in the workplace or whatever, to display the grace of God to other people.

[1:49] And this happens to deal with godly submission in marriage, and we're still talking about wives as they submit to their husbands. And we are in 1 Peter 3, and we'll begin reading in verse 1.

[2:01] In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

[2:24] Your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

[2:45] For in this way, in former times, the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

[3:06] Now, that's where we'll hopefully get to today, but we'll include verse 7 here in this context of marriage, submission in marriage. You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker since she is a woman and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered.

[3:36] Well, let me ask you a question as we begin this morning, and you can kind of put your minds in this mode with me. How do you view life? Now, that's very personal.

[3:48] I'm asking you as an individual person, not as a couple. How do you view life? If someone were to just ask you that question at random out in the workaday world, you didn't know who they were, where they came from, what they even wanted in the way of an answer.

[4:05] Well, what are you looking for here? How do I view life? How do you view life? How would you answer that? The answer that you give pretty much, regardless of what you say, sums up the dilemma Peter addresses for submission in marriage for Christian wives in the first century.

[4:24] Why do you say that? Well, let me explain. The question, the answer, and the issue of submission are relevant to marriages in our time, just like in Peter's time.

[4:38] So think of the question, how do you view life? Think of your answer, and then think of the issue of submission as they all apply to your life and your marriage, or to your hope to be married one day, if you're not yet married, for both the young men and the young women in our congregation.

[5:01] Now, think of it this way. Do you and your spouse love Jesus together? Are you, as a married couple, enjoying pursuing and serving Jesus together?

[5:22] Is this what defines your life together more than anything or anyone else as a married couple?

[5:36] We are loving Jesus together. We are pursuing Jesus together. We are serving Jesus together. We are defined by Jesus together.

[5:47] As a believer, Jesus Christ is your life. And Jesus defines your life as a believer.

[6:03] But, and hear this very carefully, especially those of you who are not yet married, but for unbelievers, Jesus is an enemy.

[6:17] And this is true even if they are unaware of it. Believers and unbelievers view life in fundamentally different ways because they have fundamentally different natures from which they interpret life.

[6:37] Unbelievers do not interpret life by the power and grace of the Holy Spirit living in them. There is no Jesus in them to look at life through the lens of Jesus' heart, priorities, values.

[6:54] They are enemies of the cross of Christ, according to the Apostle Paul, whether they articulate that or verbalize that or not. The best way, then, to avoid the difficulties of being a believer married to an unbeliever is to deal with it on the front end.

[7:14] What that means is this. Don't marry an unbeliever. That's pretty straightforward. But it is absolutely critical.

[7:25] Now, we have a few people in our congregation who are yoked to unbelievers, and it is something that they do with much, much grace and love in their hearts, and they're good to talk to about this issue.

[7:39] Obviously, not everyone finds themselves in a context where they are able to deal with the matter on the front end so that they are a Christian and they're not marrying an unbeliever.

[7:55] They're trying to marry another Christian and they're taking care of that. Many people find themselves being converted after they're married. So there are two unbelievers getting married, and then one of those unbelievers in the marriage becomes a Christian.

[8:12] Now they're yoked to a non-Christian. You don't divorce. It's hard. But you stay married in the Lord Jesus Christ and you serve the Lord.

[8:24] For Peter's readers, submission in marriage was a struggle. Believing wives were married to unbelieving husbands.

[8:35] Regardless of how they came into that context, that's what he speaks to. Believing wives married to unbelieving husbands. Could it go the other way? Yes. In that culture, though, the woman was in the weaker position consistently.

[8:49] And so Peter addresses the woman in that context because she's always going to be on the short end of the stick. If the roles were reversed and it was a Christian husband and an unbelieving wife, the Christian husband would still be in the superior position in that culture.

[9:05] So Peter is speaking into the weaker position. That's what's happening in our text. Believing couples also struggle and needed to be taught biblical submission.

[9:18] People who were saved, after they were married, whatever, they didn't know how to be married in Christ any more than we do today. Even if you're raised in a Christian home with Christian parents who model this for you, it really becomes a different animal when you get married and it's you and your spouse working all that out.

[9:39] Right? I remember when Suzanne and I were dating and whenever we had some, you know, little disagreement or something because I don't remember anything big.

[9:49] I don't remember anything happening that would ward us away. We were eager to get married and get on with life and serve the Lord, man. We really were. You talk about two people who were not nervous during our wedding ceremony.

[10:00] We were like two people on a mission. Get this thing done. Yes, I do. Yes, she does. Let's go. Kind of thing. We were ready. But we would have these little disagreements or whatever and I remember there were times when dropping her off at the house was a good thing.

[10:17] You know? And then me going home to my house. That was a good thing. And we needed some space. Guess what happens when you get married? You live in the same house. You sleep in the same bed.

[10:29] Right? I remember one time and I'm going to tell on myself, I promised my family when I became a preacher that if I ever used them in examples which would be kind of rare, I wouldn't throw them under the bus.

[10:42] I don't want to do that. But we are a real family and I want you to see that. There was a time early in our marriage, fairly early, when we had some tiff. I don't know what it was. And I went out to sleep on the couch and I don't know how many minutes ticked by but I got settled and got myself all huffed up and laying on the couch and the next thing I know, I'm aware of this presence and I opened my eyes and there's Suzanne kneeling on the floor in front of the couch and broke my heart.

[11:14] She wasn't about to let us go to bed like that. And so she came and found me and did what I should have done and said, listen, Hoss, we're going to take care of this and we did.

[11:29] being married is hard. Being married tests you in so many ways that you can never, ever truly anticipate prior to you being married.

[11:43] It's good that you take marriage counseling. I absolutely required anybody that we are going to marry, they have to go through marriage counseling before, premarital. That's just a standard thing.

[11:54] Many churches do that. Marriage is hard. It was hard for these people that Peter is addressing and they struggled with it and they needed help. So as we approach our text, let me remind you from last time that historical, cultural situation will help inform our understanding of God's view of submission in marriage.

[12:15] If we understand better something of the context behind some of why Peter's writing this, I think it'll help us. And that's true for any passage of Scripture. Scripture. We talked last time about reflecting on several important cultural caveats of that time.

[12:31] What were some of the first century qualifications that we need to kind of be aware of concerning marriage and a believing wife's role in that marriage?

[12:42] So real quickly in the way of review, first of all, women were devalued on the whole as individual persons. They were devalued. Devalued. Women did not by far and away have the same social status that men had in Gentile society, in Roman society.

[13:02] Second, they were denied their own friends and choice of religion. Now, as I explained to you last time, and I'll just mention this briefly, this is not the case for every single marital situation on the same level with every single person.

[13:17] In other words, what I'm trying to say is when a woman took on a husband, it was axiomatic in that culture that the woman would take on the friends, the social circle, and the religious beliefs of her husband.

[13:32] That wasn't debated. It wasn't part of negotiating a marital situation. It was just absolutely the norm and accepted, and you didn't buck it. That was the way it was.

[13:43] So there were women who were marrying men, and if those men did not like the wife's friends, then the friends had to go. If the husband didn't like her social circle, that social circle disappeared from her life, and then she took on whatever religious beliefs he had, period.

[14:03] That was the way that it was. Third, women were doubted on the whole, overall. That is, they were under constant suspicion as to their loyalty to Rome and to their husbands.

[14:16] Constant suspicion. I didn't put this up here last week, but I want you to see this quote. This kind of captures the idea of what these women were living under.

[14:27] Dominant among the elite was the notion, dominant among the elite now, was the notion that the women was by nature inferior to the man. She lacked the capacity for reason that the male had.

[14:40] She was ruled rather by her emotions and was, as a result, given to poor judgment. Immorality, intemperance, wickedness, avarice. She was untrustworthy, contentious, and as a result, it was her place to obey.

[14:55] That's a way of keeping a woman like that in her place, was making her subservient to. This was among the elite, and so it filtered down.

[15:06] Of course, this view filtered down into the mainstream of society and the marketplace. So, folks, on the whole, women found themselves with few prospects to improve their lives apart from marrying well.

[15:21] Now, think of that. This left them vulnerable to being coerced and controlled in marriage. The only way they could improve themselves at all was to marry well.

[15:35] That put them in a very one-down, vulnerable position. They would have been willing to do just about anything to marry in order to improve their context.

[15:46] And so many of them did. Peter speaks God's truth and compassion into the context of what these people were experiencing. So that his counsel to Christian husbands and wives is actually designed for this.

[16:02] His counsel is designed to help these people please the Lord Jesus Christ as they submit first to Christ and then in the case of the women to their husbands and to serve one another in their marriages.

[16:20] Remember, in society, none of what I just said to you was something that was taught, something that was, people were helped with. There was no Christian view, godly view, God-honoring, Christ-honoring view of marriage in this culture.

[16:37] It was all about you and how you could advance yourself in the marriage and how the marriage could help you. And the husband ruled the roost in every way.

[16:49] And in many cases, women were being abused, in some cases, severely. Peter speaks into this context. Last time, I gave you this outline.

[17:00] we're dealing with the command to submit in Christian marriage which would speak both to the wife and to the Christian husband as well. For practicality's sake, I've been referring to this as the ABCs of a wife's submission to her own husband.

[17:16] Is this everything the Bible has to say about a wife's submission to her husband? No, it's not. But this is the gist of what Peter wants to put forward given the issues these people are facing.

[17:27] Now, what a Christian wife's submission looks like in her attitude. That's where we started last week. This is just a quick little review. This is where the rubber meets the road.

[17:40] This is the key to everything in terms of a wife submitting to her husband whether he's a believer or not. It begins in your heart attitude. Peter will later address this as the inner person of your heart.

[17:53] A wife's marital submission is always about her heart attitude to God. as she submits. So wives, your submission is not measured by your husband's relationship with Christ.

[18:07] Your submission to your husband is measured by your relationship with Christ and we're going to see this more clearly as we move along. Your submission to your husband is not measured by your husband's level of competency in the marriage.

[18:22] All right, now just bear with me for the sake of conversation. I'm not saying this is the case here in our church. Your husband could be adult. Doesn't matter. God says, submit.

[18:35] All right, now remember, I'm the mailman. I didn't write this. I'm just delivering it. I believe it. I believe it. Peter's overall concern is that the marriage reflects well on Jesus.

[18:49] So Christian wives give a clear testimony of the humility and submission of Jesus Christ as they submit to your husband. As they submit or as you submit to your husband.

[19:01] As you go along, as you are in the process of submitting to your husband, you're reflecting on the Lord Jesus Christ. And if you have an attitude about that submission, that's what's going to be seen.

[19:13] That's what's observable. Now, the question is, what if his lifestyle, what if my husband's friends, religious beliefs, demeanor, what if my husband's priorities all make it hard for me in my walk with Jesus?

[19:27] Do I still have to submit? Short answer, yes. You still submit to him even if it means you suffer for it for Christ's sake. The key to all of this and to understanding the context is that you're suffering for Christ's sake.

[19:44] Now, I'm going to be very clear here. I want our ladies to hear this. You still suffer and you suffer for Christ's sake, but there are limits. There are limits.

[19:57] It is absolutely impossible for Peter or for me to even take time now to step outside the pulpit, as it were, and begin to try and deal with all of the different scenarios and situations you might find yourself in where you would have to say no to your husband or deal with something that's not right in the way that your husband's dealing with you so that you would have to say, no, honey, I can't do that.

[20:23] It would be impossible. Peter doesn't attempt it. I'm not going to attempt it. But listen to this. When you cannot submit to your husband for Christ's sake, for Christ's sake, would be any time and in anything he requires of you which would cause you to disobey Jesus Christ.

[20:44] We could add to violate your conscience. It gets a little trickier there because you have to be careful about how you inform your conscience and educate your conscience because your conscience can tell you things that are not right, not accurate.

[21:01] There are limits. If he asks you, demands of you, requires of you or otherwise puts you in a context where you would have to disobey the Lord Jesus, you have to say no.

[21:13] But you do it submissively. You still say no. But you can do it with kindness. You can do it with courage. You can do it resolutely so that he gets the message.

[21:26] But you don't have to get all emotional and huffy and mad and, you know, make your case and throw things and all that. We've had all that. Now, Christian sisters, please hear me very carefully as I say this to you.

[21:39] This is a matter of record for Grace Church. So please hear me carefully, very clearly. In any situation where you find yourself physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally abused, please, please come and get help from your church family here at Grace.

[21:58] If you're listening on tape and belong to another church, please go to your church to get help. In any case of you being abused, go to your church to get help.

[22:10] If it's some type of criminal violation, call the police. As soon as I say that, 100,000 scenarios start popping up in your head about what if, what if, what if, what if.

[22:22] Well, that's the benefit of having godly people in a church family that you can turn to. Godly elders, people who make it their business to safeguard each other, to care for each other, to be involved in each other's lives so that if a Christian husband or any husband that's part of or in any way connected to the women, the wives of our church abuses anyone in our church, if Greg and I find out about it, we're going to be right in the middle of it.

[22:56] We're going to do everything that we can to honor you, to safeguard you, to do what's right in the sight of the Lord and to stand up for what's right in the sight of the Lord Jesus Christ.

[23:09] Grace Church will never, ever turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to people being abused by others.

[23:19] Wives, husbands, children, the elderly, it doesn't matter. If you're being abused, you're part of Grace Church, you need to let us know about it.

[23:32] But know this, we will take action. We will take action. Hopefully, prayerfully, we won't have to deal with this, but if we ever do, that's our heart.

[23:43] And I hope we're clear on that. And I'm speaking most directly to my Christian sisters in our church. Again, folks, I'm not going to do it.

[23:53] I thought about it. I'm just not going to do it. After all these years of ministry, I could tell you some stories right now. Well, some of them I couldn't tell from the pulpit. They're bad enough to where I could never do it in public.

[24:07] I could never do it in mixed company. Others, I could tell you, you would not believe the kinds of things that we faced. And what we've had, we have had to help women relocate, hide.

[24:22] It's been crazy. In our text, Peter is trying to help Christian wives suffer well for Christ's sake. He's not trying to overturn the government.

[24:33] He's not trying to overturn culture and societal norms. He is simply speaking into the context of these people's lives and saying, here is how you can serve Jesus well by suffering well for his sake in what you find yourself in now.

[24:51] They want to be able to showcase, this is what he wants for them. He wants them to be able to showcase the goodness and grace of Jesus, and then this, to win any unbelieving husbands to Jesus Christ.

[25:06] In other words, what Peter tackles in the following verses is his prescription for the priorities of a wife's godly submission. He tells a wife what she should shun and what she should focus on.

[25:21] That becomes the context for how these women are to think about this and that brings us to this second aspect or characteristic behavior. That's where he takes it next.

[25:31] This is how the text reads. In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands. So this is not a general principle for women to submit to all men.

[25:43] My wife is not required to submit to the other men in this church. At least not in the same way that she's required to submit to me. Submit to your own husbands so that, and here's the concern that he specifies even if any of them, not all of them, but maybe when and if some of them are disobedient to the word.

[26:07] Now, notice that what he's saying here doesn't zero in on unbelief. It zeroes in on lifestyle, action. He's disobeying the word.

[26:18] His heart is a heart of disobedience to God. Even if they are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

[26:32] Do you see that? This is something that they can see. That's what he's considering now. Now, now factor in what we've been saying all along in this section that we've been moving through for several weeks.

[26:48] consider Peter's overall concern he expressed in chapter 2, verse 12. Take in the context now. Let it be king and let it feed your understanding.

[26:59] Look at verse 12 of chapter 2 if you would. What is he concerned about? Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers because that was the general impression society had of Christians they may because of your good deeds your good deeds as they observe them.

[27:26] You see, this is consistent through Peter's letter. They might glorify God in the day of visitation. That's his overall theme. Behavioral submission.

[27:40] You also see it in verses like this. If you look at chapter 1 verse 14. As obedient children do not be conformed to the former lust which were yours in ignorance.

[27:53] See that? Outward obedience. But like the Holy One who called you be holy yourselves in all your behavior.

[28:06] Behavior. Chapter 2, verse 12 we just read. Chapter 2, verse 20. Look at the idea here. For what credit is there if when you sin and are harshly treated you endure it with patience but if when you do do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it this finds favor with God.

[28:28] And then verse 21 caps it off. For you have been called for this purpose since Christ also suffered for you look leaving you an example a visible physical tangible example for you to follow in his steps for you to reproduce in the way that you live your life.

[28:50] And then now chapter 3 verse 1 in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as your husbands observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

[29:15] They may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. Peter's specific concern given the very noxious society Christians lived in is that Christian wives married to spiritually unruly disobedient husbands who make submission hard will submit to those same husbands from reverence for Christ in order to win them to Christ.

[29:47] This is not about your husband it's about Christ. Whether you're married to a believer or an unbeliever ladies your submission to your husband is about your relationship with Jesus Christ because it's what you're called to as you follow Christ's example of submission.

[30:05] this is what God has designed for submission to look like in your life as a married woman. He's going to turn to men in just a little while and talk to them about this is what submission looks like in your life as a married man.

[30:20] As you follow Christ this is what it should look like in your marriage. Right now he's dealing with ladies with the wives with believing wives. It's about reverence for Jesus.

[30:33] Let me say it this way Jesus Christ ladies is exalted in your life as you submit to your husband even when he is living apart from Christ and you say how can that be?

[30:50] How can my submission to my unbelieving husband exalt Jesus Christ even as he lives apart from Christ and I'm submitting to him as he lives disobediently to Jesus?

[31:01] how can my submission to him exalt the Lord? Because this is more about what these husbands see than about what you say.

[31:17] That's why this has everything to do with what they see in your life not what they hear coming out of your mouth. That's important too but that's not where Peter puts the emphasis right now.

[31:28] he knows he knows that these women are going to be tempted to use their mouths to use their ability to verbalize their wants and their needs and their contexts and all in many cases maybe these women are even more educated than their husbands.

[31:48] That could happen. Women worked hard during this time because they knew what they were facing. They might be able to out argue their husbands out reason their husbands or whatever. At the very basic level they could just nag them.

[32:02] And Peter's like no don't do any of that. You don't have a license to do any of that. Is there a way for a woman to plead her case as it were?

[32:15] Yes for Christ's sake. I don't have time to handle that in my message but I know for sure if you'll talk to Marivi and Suzanne they can tell you how does a Christian wife appeal to her husband?

[32:27] How do you make a godly appeal? To your husband? There's a way to do that. There's a way to be kind and humble and gentle. There's a way to be effective. There's a way to be respectful to him and reverent to Christ in making a godly appeal to your husband when you disagree with him.

[32:45] Or when you want to offer some type of counsel or warning toward your husband about some decision that you're facing or whatever. God's not requiring look you're not a puppet.

[32:56] God's not requiring women in Christian marriage to be on some kind of string with their husband. That is so far in a way. Look don't listen to the world.

[33:07] They don't get it. The world does not get what we're trying to do here with this. I didn't. We didn't. This is the Holy Spirit teaching us how to submit to Christ and then bring that submission to Jesus into a one-souled relationship with two sinful people.

[33:26] Two sinners coming together. When I say it's hard that's an understatement. It takes the grace of God to make this thing work to the glory of God.

[33:36] Not just work on a practical level. Work on a level where we're bringing great honor to Jesus as we are married. The picture of our marriage becomes the picture of Jesus married to his bride the church.

[33:49] Good grief. So that husbands are Christ. We're the husband in the relationship like Christ is the husband in the relationship with his bride. And we are to be married to our wives as Christ husbands his church.

[34:04] Woohoo. Get ready. I'm telling you strap on for next week. And then over here on this side the ladies you're the bride of Christ. Being married to Jesus.

[34:14] What does it look like to be married to Jesus and to be the wife of Christ. That's your calling ladies. It's high. It's holy.

[34:25] It's sobering. It's real. It's life transforming. And it's a powerful powerful testimony to a world that does not get it. So what we're talking about here is Jesus being exalted in your life.

[34:41] More than what they of what they see than what you say. So here's how we can characterize it. It's a lifestyle response. What do I mean? It's a lifestyle response to hardship in marriage.

[34:56] So your gentle humble response of Christ like submission to your husband is not only counterintuitive it's countercultural.

[35:08] Countercultural. You understand what I mean? And yet and yet it's still God's prescription for using Christian wives and showcasing his character to their husbands and especially to unbelieving husbands.

[35:23] This is what finds favor with the Lord. It's it's it's it's on a similar plane that you found Peter arguing from when he talked about civil authority and how hard it is to submit to civil authority when they're not on the same page with us at your workplace when your boss or your people you report to don't hold the same values you hold.

[35:50] They don't hold the same understanding of the work ethic you hold. Now we're moving this same into marriage. Why would you expect that culture out there to affirm the fact you're trying to be married in Christ?

[36:03] They're not going to do it. Let me tell you something else. This isn't this lifestyle response. Ladies, it isn't this. Listen carefully. It's not a one off response because it's not about you.

[36:17] It's not something you do to get your way. We've seen this. It's not something you do to appease or placate your husband. Because, you know, in a certain situation, well, I'll do it now.

[36:30] Maybe it'll calm him down. And no. It's not something you do a few times. And if it doesn't work, you move on to some other ploy. Some other tactic to manipulate him, control him, get your way.

[36:44] No. In this lifestyle lifestyle response of believing wives, the Lord spells out exactly what he has in mind, what this is and what it isn't.

[36:56] It concerns the opportunities in life which you seize for your husband to observe your chaste and respectful behavior to the Lord.

[37:08] You see how this turns this whole thing on its head? This is no longer you gutting it out. Whether you're married to a believing husband who just won't take the baton and lead, or you're married to an unbelieving husband.

[37:22] Whatever the case you find yourself in, wherever you are, this is not about Christian wives gutting it out. Nope. This all gets turned on its head as you realize this is a lifestyle response where you are actually creating and searching out and taking advantage of life opportunities to demonstrate a chaste and respectful behavior toward your husband that he might see the character of Christ in you.

[37:49] Now what's that going to do? Well, I'll tell you this. If you're a Christian husband married to a woman like that, it becomes very encouraging. It's a blessing. Convicting too, yes.

[38:00] But especially for unbelieving husbands, it becomes very convicting. Doesn't it? You've got a wife like that submitting like that, cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit like that, and you're an unbelieving husband who brings the hammer sometimes, you know, as it were, wants to put down the law.

[38:19] And then you've got this wife that's submitting with quietness and gentleness. She's not trying to showcase herself. She's not arguing with you. She's not hard to get along with. If you want to take advantage of her, you'll find an easy target because she wants to honor Christ.

[38:33] That's hard. That's hard for me to even say that. But it's the truth from scripture. And we are called to live in gentleness like that.

[38:44] If you have any doubt about this at all, listen carefully. For you have been called for this purpose since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example to follow in his steps.

[38:59] This was one who committed no sin. Never any deceit in his mouth. While being reviled, he didn't revile in return.

[39:10] You hear that? Whatever they gave out, he never gave it back. While suffering, he uttered no threats. He kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously.

[39:22] What was the result? So that he himself bore our sins in his body on the cross so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. For by his wounds you were healed.

[39:33] Ladies, Jesus Christ purchased these opportunities for you to live righteously before your husband as you submit to him through a chaste and respectful behavior.

[39:47] Jesus Christ suffered and died to purchase those opportunities for you. Know Jesus. You'd never even care about this. And they'd go right by you while you put yourself forward.

[40:02] Husbands, we're going to hear the same message when we get to verse seven. That's what's going on here. This is the way God designed for this scenario to work out.

[40:15] Again, your chaste and respectful behavior blesses your husband. Especially Christian husbands are blessed by this because they can attain to the spiritual reality of what you're doing.

[40:30] They can they can appreciate it through the power of the spirit. But it blesses unbelieving husbands to whether they realize it or not. And that is not the issue.

[40:42] Right now look at this with me. Chaste. Chaste can be pure, innocent or holy. These are synonyms, not just other definitions, but synonyms for what we're talking about here.

[40:58] So it has the idea of being faultless. You say, my goodness, I'm not a faultless wife. I know that's intimidating. No wife is faultless in her behavior. No husband is faultless in his behavior.

[41:10] But look at the next description because I think it will help us fill out what chaste means. Respectful. Respectful is actually listed in the Greek text before chaste.

[41:22] The word is phobos. Ah, we've seen that word before phobos. If you look at chapter one, verse 17, if you address as father the one who impartially judges according to each one's work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay.

[41:38] In fear of whom? In fear of man? No. Quite the opposite. Fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord. He also uses it in chapter three, verse 15.

[41:51] But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and, my translation says reverence.

[42:04] The word is phobos, fear. It's the basic word for dread or terror. In each case that Peter uses it in the context of his letter, it always means the fear of the Lord.

[42:19] It always means reverence for God, not fear of man, not fear of circumstances, not fear of consequences, the fear of the Lord. In other words, reverence for God.

[42:33] All right? It can be better understood. Let's just take chaste and respectful and pull them together. This all can be better understood when you see it like this. As they observe your pure conduct in the fear of God.

[42:46] That's the idea, ladies. Chaste and respectful. As they observe your pure conduct in the fear of the Lord. The emphasis is on your conduct as you reverence Jesus and make that reverence observable.

[43:05] As they observe your reverence for God by your pure conduct would be another way to say it. Now, this is the key to a wife offering godly submission to her husband.

[43:16] It is on behalf of Jesus out of a high and holy reverence for Jesus. And that high and holy reverence is something you're cultivating and nurturing in your walk with the Lord as you go through your day.

[43:32] So this is very important now. You don't reverence your husband. You respect your husband. You respect your husband. But you don't reverence your husband.

[43:43] You don't worship your husband. What your husband sees is evidence of your reverence for Jesus. And that shows up in respect for him.

[43:58] This is your heart for Christ displaying the character of Jesus as you submit to your husband whether he's a Christian or not. So you see, ladies, this is not about how competent your husband is in the faith.

[44:10] Whether he's a great spiritual leader or he's bottoming out as a spiritual leader. That is not the criteria that this is based on. The performance of your husband.

[44:21] That is not what you measure this by. You submit to your husband and you learn to submit and get under your husband in that way, spiritually. Look, because of your reverence for Jesus.

[44:34] Because this is your calling in Christ. It's your heart for Christ being displayed in your character. You submit. That's how you get that character and reverence out and put it on display and showcase it.

[44:53] That's what we're dealing with. Again, I say critically, you're not being called to worship your husband. You're being called to worship Christ and in that calling, having set an example for you, you are designed to submit.

[45:10] That's what we're talking about. Now, what I hope this will do is this. I hope this will help you value more the significance of the word play in verse 1.

[45:25] I've waited till now to say this because I wanted to lay the groundwork for you to have more of the impact of the word play in verse 1 without just telling you. All right? So out of reverence for Jesus, ladies, Christian wives, you submit to your husband, here's the word play, who is without God's word so that you may win him to God without a word.

[45:51] You submit to your husband out of reverence for Christ. He is without the word so that you can win him to God without a word.

[46:06] That's the word play that Peter is trying to bring in. They would have immediately recognized this little clever twist and it would have been something they could have easily remembered. I am trying to win my without a word husband without a word.

[46:24] Now, it doesn't mean you don't witness to your husband verbally. It doesn't mean... This is not a gag order, ladies. It's not a gag order. It's calling for you to be sober-minded before the Lord Jesus.

[46:39] It's a call for you to put a discerning kind of field, as it were, over your mind and your mouth so that your mind is engaged in what's coming out of your mouth in a way that you're sober-minded about it.

[46:57] Your mind is thinking in terms of reverence for Jesus as I speak to this man. My tone, my facial expression, the words that I choose, the motive of my heart.

[47:09] All of these things play. Now, ladies, do you see how that would be just as critically important for your husband as he communicates with you? So it's a two-way street. You just got to give me until next week to get there.

[47:22] You got to hold on and say, Pastor Jeff's going to give it to him now. Yeah, that's right. That's right. All right, now, one other thing I'll let you know about this.

[47:35] As you make this kind of reverent... Okay, guys, wait a minute. Time out. This is why... This would be a good place for me to say this to you men. Right now, as you hear me say this, you can probably feel some of the ladies, wow.

[47:53] It's not because they don't want to follow the Lord Jesus. This is tough, you guys, and we need to respect that. Here's how the Lord tells us to respect that. Show them honor as a weaker vessel.

[48:05] She's a woman. That's not a slam. That's a warning for me.

[48:17] Jeff, don't you think I know and I see what I require of them and the position I put them in? Now, you better honor that. That comes from me.

[48:28] Don't lord it over. Don't take advantage. Don't manipulate. Don't control. Don't make this about you with your wife. We're going there, God willing, next week.

[48:41] This is one of the reasons he speaks to the issue right away of weaker vessel. She's a woman. Yes, it relates to the physical reality that she's typically not as strong and all that kind of thing as you.

[48:55] The world wants to turn all that on its head by coming out with movie and after movie and series after series where the heroes are women.

[49:09] They're just as vulgar as the men. They're just as brutish and bloodthirsty as the men. They drive just as wickedly as the men.

[49:20] They kill just as quickly and violently as the men. And they're educating us to see that women are just like men.

[49:34] Not by God's design, you're not. Hallelujah. I don't want my wife to be like me. I want her to be like Christ as a woman.

[49:47] And I want to do everything I can to help her bloom and blossom as a woman who loves Jesus. So I don't ask her to think like me. I ask us to think like Christ.

[50:01] And that pulls us together as a man and a woman in a complementarity that only Christ can build. Only Jesus can do that. It doesn't matter what color your skin is.

[50:14] It doesn't matter what country you hail from. It doesn't matter what kind of family you grew up in. Jesus Christ bringing two souls into a one spirit relationship in Christ, truly in Christ, takes care of all of that and pulls them together into something so beautiful, so wonderful.

[50:35] Let me tell you something that somebody said to me right before I got married. This was a person who doesn't think about this in God's way. He said, dude, I cannot believe you're going to do that.

[50:49] Why would you want to eat the same cereal every day for the rest of your life? You think about that. thirty-eight years later, I look forward to breakfast.

[51:07] I look forward to breakfast. That brings us to this. Don't sabotage yourself, ladies.

[51:19] Don't sabotage yourself. Shun what the world will tell you is most important. In a word, externals. The world will tell you it's all about how you look.

[51:34] It's all about how suave and sexy you are. And that's a lie. That brings us to verses three and four in the wisdom of what Peter's offering us and it's powerful.

[51:44] Your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of your heart. Now we're back to the attitude again that I started with.

[51:56] With the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. Precious in the sight of God. Your character, your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses.

[52:13] Let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. Precious in the sight of God.

[52:25] Gentle, quiet, meek. This is what we're looking at in all of this. It doesn't mean that you go front girl on your husband.

[52:35] Don't do that. Don't go front girl. You know what that is? Front girl? Nobody even knows what it is. This is not about you wearing a croaker sack and walking around the house in your robe all day long with curlers in your hair.

[52:49] Don't go front girl because God said it doesn't matter how I look. You're supposed to like me for what I am inside. No. Listen, we go beyond that. Don't go front girl. Being a good steward of your body and appearance are good things because it is about stewardship.

[53:05] So that's a good thing. They're simply not the main things you focus on. the issue is your heart's priorities in how and why you submit to your husband.

[53:20] So it's not about manipulating or placating or controlling as I've said. It's not to live in the fear that you have to compete with other women to keep him. You know, as we grow older the younger women they look so good and you know he's going to be yeah, no, no, no.

[53:38] Don't get caught in that. It's also not to showcase yourself to him or others. That's not why you do it. To showcase put yourself out there for him or for others.

[53:51] There's a reason that he's talking about this gentle and quiet spirit just like he talked about chaste and respectful behavior. Women would go to great expense.

[54:03] They would use up all kinds of time pursuing externals. it was about competition among themselves. It was about ego and even in some cases survival.

[54:19] Outer adornment was a tool and it became a weapon in a woman's battle to consume and to gain control over her life.

[54:30] Your adornment as a Christian woman is of an entirely different nature. Verse 4 brings it out more. Let it be the hidden person of your heart.

[54:43] Notice the words with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. Again, let me point you.

[54:54] Gentle, meek, humble, mild, soft. Ladies, listen to how I say this. what Jesus fashions in you forms you.

[55:05] What Jesus fashions in you in your inner person of your heart forms you. So your lifestyle takes on more and more of what it looks like as Jesus fashions in you his spirit.

[55:22] the work of the Holy Spirit being manifest in your life, being showcased in your life through your character as you reverence Jesus and submit to your husband.

[55:35] God uses what he's fashioning in you in Christ to showcase himself as you submit to your husband. It's beautiful. It's powerful. So in God's eyes, your outward physical form isn't the most precious or attractive thing about you.

[55:50] Christian sisters, you are most beautiful when the unseen reservoir of Christ's character in you becomes visible through expressions of your gentle and quiet spirit.

[56:03] It's so hard to overrate this and it is so easy to overlook it. So meek, humble, mild, soft. You're a meek and mild woman.

[56:16] Now immediately, and I've had this, immediately, that's just not who I am in my personality. It's not about personality. It's about the spirit working in your heart and in your mind to make you more like Jesus.

[56:27] If there's something about your personality that's betraying your loyalty and devotion to Jesus, then you need to make an adjustment to your personality. Quiet means well-ordered, at rest, or reposed.

[56:45] It pictures you as an untroubled, free-of-the-noise person. So you're not easily distracted and disrupted by the things of life as you reverence Jesus.

[56:58] It's about your Christ-like character. Let me ask you a question. How many commercials or movies or interviews with the heroes of the world have you seen where the character of Jesus Christ in you is the primary emphasis for what's most attractive in a woman?

[57:18] How many ads, ladies, do you see where the ad just makes Jesus in you the thing? It's not there, is it?

[57:30] Now, that's not what the world is about. Peter wanted to rescue his Christian sisters from this terrible lie of fixing their hope in themselves.

[57:43] externals. It's a focus on externals and what it does is it draws a woman deeper into herself. It does the same thing for a man. So wives who preoccupy themselves with outward beauty to the neglect of a gentle and quiet spirit are drawn into the line of self as savior.

[58:04] It's my life. I can do what I want with my life. It's my body. It's my marriage. I know what I need to do. I know how I need to act.

[58:16] I can make me happy and fulfilled in my life and in my marriage. I can do that. I can get him to be what I need him to be. Besides, here's the bottom line.

[58:31] Guys want pretty and sexy. If you don't give them what they want, they don't stick around. not guys who love Jesus.

[58:45] That's not the priority that they hold to. It's not what defines the way they think about marriage. Not godly men. Not men who follow Christ with courage, conviction, and compassion.

[59:01] Those are the words, ladies, by the way, that we're looking at as we meet on Saturdays. We had Christ, last time. This next time we meet, we're going to talk about courage.

[59:13] What does it look like for a godly man to exercise courage in his life? The next time we meet, it'll be conviction. What does a man of conviction look like who's following Christ and exercising courage?

[59:27] And then finally, compassion. How do I take following Christ, exercising courage, and being a man of conviction and wear it all with great compassion? compassion. That's what we're dealing with.

[59:43] We want gentle men even as we want gentle women. So don't preoccupy yourselves with what the world says.

[59:53] Peter sobers us with a very critical qualifier in verse 4. I don't want it to escape you. Imperishable. Does your Bible say imperishable or something equivalent? Peter is concerned that we learn to treasure and prioritize our Christian life according to what is imperishable.

[60:11] Let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. Imperishable.

[60:23] Treasure and prioritize our Christian life according to what is imperishable. This is another word that Peter looks at throughout the book. I'm not going to read them but if you look at verses 4 from chapter 1, verse 4, verse 7, verse 18, and verse 23, all in chapter 1 alone, you're going to see Peter highlighting this idea of what is imperishable in the sight of God.

[60:54] Now again, Christian sisters, the world isn't going to reward you. It's not going to encourage you as a woman in your priority to nurture a gentle and quiet spirit.

[61:04] Here's what the world's going to do with you as you try to pursue this out of reverence for Christ. Ladies, the world's going to mock you. The world is going to warn you that women like that get walked on.

[61:20] They lose themselves and they lose any chance of getting a good guy. They define good. So here's what Peter does to counter this reality.

[61:32] See, Peter knows human nature, but even more than that, the Holy Spirit knows the human nature that he made. So Peter quickly adds this, which is precious in the sight of God, and that's what you've got to hold on to.

[61:45] My husband might not appreciate this in me right now. Even my Christian husband might not affirm me and encourage me in this right now.

[61:57] But what I need to hold on to is this. As I reverence Jesus and submit to my husband through a gentle and quiet spirit, it's precious in God's sight. He will remember.

[62:10] He will know. This finds favor with God. This finds favor with God.

[62:25] Peter talks about what's precious to God also. I'll just give you these verses so I can move on. Chapter 1, verse 19. Chapter 2, verses 4, 6, 7.

[62:36] So all I'm trying to do when I point that out to you is show you how often Peter is repeating these themes over and over again so that these people will grasp the priorities of heaven for their lives as they live in these contexts.

[62:51] As they live in submission, imperishable, good behavior, what is precious in the sight of God. That's what matters. That brings us to Peter's comparison in 5 and 6 and it brings us to the final letter.

[63:06] I'm going to do a D, A, B, C, and D and then I'm done. I say just a few quick things and here it is. This is the D, decorum.

[63:20] It's just a word we don't use very much anymore but it's a good word. For in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God, very critical clause there, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands.

[63:36] There it is again. That's the repeated theme. That's what Peter wants you to latch on to. Their adornment was all about being submissive to their husbands. How did the women of old, people like Sarah and the patriarch's wives, how did these women concern themselves with adorning themselves?

[63:55] Ladies, how did the women of old according to Peter in scripture, how did these women care about making themselves beautiful to their husbands? They adorned themselves by being submissive to their husbands.

[64:10] Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. Decorum.

[64:21] These women hoped in God, being submissive, obeying, calling him Lord. You're her children if you do, if you do what is right.

[64:33] Let me give you a quick definition. Decorum. Dignified propriety of behavior, speech, dress, character. That's just a dictionary definition but it captures it.

[64:45] So a decorous or dignified wife is characterized by a respectful appreciation of herself in relationship to her husband, others, her context of life and especially to her Lord.

[65:01] I hope you understand what I'm trying to say there. It's the best way I could think of to say it. You are acting in a dignified or decorous way when you have this respectful appreciation for yourself within the context of your life.

[65:18] I know who I am and I know what I'm about in this moment. I'm a child of Jesus and I'm all about reverencing Jesus in this moment.

[65:30] Whether it's my husband, other people, whatever it is. See, I am in connection with who I am, who I've been reborn and made to be and so in this context my greatest concern is to show a submission first and foremost to the Lord Jesus Christ.

[65:48] And if I'll keep my mind and my heart there, then God will guide me in what that submission is supposed to look like in my human relationships. But that's the key.

[66:00] It's the same key that you'll hear me say to the men. As we submit to Jesus, it makes us a lot, it puts us in a lot better position. Marivia, I'm preaching my sermon for next week.

[66:11] I can't help it. It puts us in a lot better position than as we submit to Jesus as husbands to honor the submission that our wives are showing to us. To honor that calls in a deep respect.

[66:26] I don't take advantage of the honor and submission that my wife is showing me. I affirm it. I uphold it. And I want to support her in that. I want to make it better for her to continue to do that.

[66:40] Everybody wins in that. Do you see how only God could come up with this? Only God could figure this out. We never would have figured this out.

[66:51] Look, when we thought about how to rescue humanity from sin, we never would have thought that it would be involved in a sinless person being tortured to death on a cross.

[67:02] We never could have come up with that. We'd have been the one saying, let's gather an army and kill the oppressors. Well, God knew that's exactly what had to happen, but it had to happen spiritually.

[67:15] This is where we are. Decorum. This is where you bring your attitude, your behavior, ladies, your character together to present yourself as a wife who desires to honor and reflect well on Jesus and on your husband in all your life.

[67:38] in every aspect of your life. It's priority for you to live like this. You work at it. You pray about it. You nurture it in your heart.

[67:50] You go before the Lord about it. What Peter does then in our text, if you look with me again, look at what he says in five and six about these women of former times. Look, Peter draws on the godly example of holy women of former times in biblical history.

[68:06] These are women who hoped in God. That was the most defining characteristic about them in this passage. They were women who hoped in God. And so they lived out their submission to God in submission to their husbands.

[68:24] It's interesting to me that he chose Sarah because there were times in Abraham's life when Abraham required Sarah to do what? Lie.

[68:35] Did she obey? She did. Ladies, we got to chew on that one, don't we? Don't have time right now. It's just interesting to me he used Sarah.

[68:50] But he did. Sarah brought a gentle and quiet spirit into the observable arena of her marriage by obeying her husband and respectfully honoring Abraham even to the point of calling him Lord.

[69:06] Lord means master. Now it's lowercase l. It's not the same way we say Lord Jesus. But it's Lord. It means master. And here's the thing, ladies.

[69:17] Sarah was not demeaned by this. So to become her children means to show yourself a believer in God.

[69:28] It's to show yourself a woman who is hoping in God, not in her husband. I don't want Suzanne to put her hope in me. I want her to believe in me, but you know.

[69:42] To take me as a man who's trying to follow Jesus. So you're to follow Sarah's example of showing reverence to the Lord by obeying and respectfully relating to your husbands.

[69:58] Look, Sarah loved, respected, and obeyed her husband because she loved, respected, and obeyed the Lord. The Lord came first.

[70:08] Now I will say this. No, God doesn't prescribe in scripture on you that you have to call your husband Lord. You don't have to do that.

[70:20] But Christ does require you to submit to your husband and to obey him out of deep reverence for Jesus. Even though this is something that the world and perhaps your husband won't honor or encourage you in.

[70:39] And so Peter concludes his counsel with this. It's one final encouragement. If you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. Ladies, you can appreciate this.

[70:51] You have to face your fears. Ladies, you have to face your anxieties and insecurities with truth and a steadfast resolve to walk with Jesus.

[71:03] to focus your heart on what pleases Jesus. You are going to face all kinds of unknowns in life and in marriage. You just never know what's going to come around the corner for your life and for your marriage for your spouse.

[71:19] And so Peter is very clear. Ladies, I get it. The world is full with unknowns. I understand that you're tempted with anxieties and worries and frets.

[71:30] And so that just calls you to a steadfast resolve in your own walk with Jesus because even your husband can't fix all that stuff. You can't look to your husband to keep all of that stuff out of your life.

[71:46] We'll do what we can but we're not God. So here's the key, ladies. Jesus' pleasure needs to matter more to you than your pleasure.

[71:56] That includes your sense of security. And then you act in faith according to Peter, look, without fear. That is, without being fearful of any terror.

[72:10] It's a compound and it's very powerful in the Greek. Without being fearful of any terror that you might either imagine forecasting in your mind all the what-ifs or encounter maybe even on a practical level from a husband who's displeased with you because you've had to say no to him.

[72:37] For Christ's sake, you've had to say no. Can you imagine what these women's position in that vulnerability they say no? They could be scared to death what my husband could do.

[72:47] He could take my life. And what is Peter's counsel to them? You need to follow this counsel without any fear of terror. Don't be afraid of being afraid.

[73:01] Don't be afraid of what can happen. Do what is right in the sight of God. So you follow well in Sarah's faithful and God-honoring example if you do what is right in God's sight.

[73:17] Leave the outcomes to God. Trust the Lord without being drawn away from your reverence for Christ. That's the ABCDs of a wife's submission to her husband according to Peter.

[73:31] It's not according to all of Scripture. Well, I took extra time today to kind of pull all this together but given the counter that you face ladies in the world, in the counsel of the world, you can pick up just about any book in the quote-unquote Christian bookstore and you're going to find all kinds of stuff about this.

[73:55] I remember a Christian counselor counseling a very high-profile Christian that you would know the name of if I called her name out and her Christian counselor told her that God expected her to be happy.

[74:09] She deserved to be happy. It was obvious her husband could not make her happy and was not interested in her being happy and so she needed to divorce him and so she did.

[74:21] And that was the grounds. My husband can't, they were two believers. My husband can't make me happy. We know that for a fact. That was the counsel that she received and that's what she acted on.

[74:36] But when it's more about Jesus' pleasure and doing what is right in his sight, it puts us on the holy ground we need to be standing on as we submit. Alright?

[74:47] Husbands, will you be in prayer for me next week, this week, as I prepare to bring the message for us next week and talk about how do we honor the submission that our wives show us?

[74:59] How do we honor that in their lives? How do we respect the Lord and reverence the Lord as these women do this? Let's pray together. Father, we thank you that you've brought us a sober-minded message today as you always do.

[75:14] It makes us think hard and carefully, especially as we work phrase by phrase, verse by verse through your truth. I understand, Father, as I admit to the people publicly, there's much that can't make its way into what needs to be said.

[75:31] It's, there's so much richness and goodness here. So we thank you for the treasure of your word. We thank you that by your great gospel in the Lord Jesus Christ.

[75:44] We are made free from sin. The power of sin doesn't have to weigh on us the rest of our lives controlling everything we think and do. The penalty of sin will never be our penalty because we are righteous in Christ.

[76:01] We are justified. You have propitiated on our behalf so that you are satisfied, God, with the sacrifice that Jesus has made and the life that he lived.

[76:12] In all of these ways, I pray for my Christian sisters. They are blessed, Lord. They are beautiful. In your sight, they are precious in so many ways.

[76:23] I pray that you will safeguard their hearts. God, I pray that you will give them a warm and wonderful understanding of what it means for them to submit to their own husbands.

[76:35] Even as they appeal to their husbands, even as they offer counsel and encouragement to their husbands, even as husbands, as we draw on our wives' wisdom and their wonderful spirits toward you, help us to bring all of that into a blend of reverence for Christ, respect for each other, and Lord, help us to offer a testimony to the world that is beautiful because it's about Jesus.

[77:04] Thank you for these truths that we can pray about and listen to. Thank you that you help us take these into our hearts as a church family. Now I pray, Father, help us to wisely live them out to your greater honor.

[77:17]  In Jesus' name, Amen.