Session 1: Cultivating A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

[0:00] Somebody take my picture. I think this is so pretty. Tell my husband to ask him to come in here and take my picture.

[0:14] Be sure and get the sign. Okay. Okay. Ah. Okay. Okay.

[0:27] I'm trying to take a good one. There we go. Okay.

[0:39] Thank you. I don't think I've ever asked that before. Well, when the Excellent White book came out, I thought it would be the only book I would ever write.

[0:51] It took me three years. I had a lot of help because I knew how to do chemistry problems. I didn't know how to write a book. So the pastor we had said, Oh, I know how to write.

[1:05] I write really well. I'll help you. So he met with me every Tuesday afternoon for two hours for a whole year and got me started.

[1:18] And then I think he'd had it. So I just kept plugging along. But when my mother read the book, she said, I don't think the girls are going to like this.

[1:32] I said, I don't think they're going to like it either. But I didn't, I had no idea how the Lord would use that. But anyway, it, I had written, it's, it's really a lot about just being a Christian.

[1:50] If you've never read it. So you might just want to get all prayed up if you've never read it and you start reading it. So anyway, all right, this hour, we're going to talk about women having a gentle and quiet spirit.

[2:11] And I remember, when I read the Bible, when I got saved, I started reading the Bible. And I got all the way through up to first Peter.

[2:24] and I came under conviction. I'm like, every other verse, I'm like, oh no, I'm doing that wrong. And I'd have to stop and pray and ask the Lord to forgive me and help me.

[2:38] And I had to rethink how I was thinking and what I had been believing. And then when I got to this verse about women having a gentle and quiet spirit, it, it just, it was perplexing to me.

[2:58] I didn't know what that was, but I knew I didn't have it. And so a few years later, I went back to it and did a huge study on the issue.

[3:13] So that's what we're going to talk about tonight. It was, when I did the study, I read Matthew Henry's book on the quest for a meek and quiet spirit.

[3:31] I could not even get through a page of that book without coming under conviction and having to stop and pray. And the last time this happened to me with this intensity, was when I wrote the certain parts of the excellent wife book, because that was a, that is a killer.

[3:54] I will tell you. Our friend who later became our first pastor of our church, he would, he and his wife and kids, they would come down and visit us.

[4:10] And Jackie, his wife would bring ingredients to make pizza. And back that many years ago, if you wanted a pizza, you had to make it yourself.

[4:24] So I guess you could still do that. I don't know. But Ed would talk about his Sunday school lesson and invite us to Sunday school.

[4:37] And we wouldn't go. And he, he would, then it didn't deter him. He would say, well, this week's lesson is really interesting.

[4:48] And he proceeded to give it. And it was just, Sanky and I, and then Jackie and Ed, and their two girls. And he memorized it.

[5:00] Well, it made us mad. So, we didn't want them to keep coming back and visiting us, but they just kept coming anyway.

[5:11] It was like, they had an appointment on Friday nights to come to Peachtree City and for us to hear Ed's Sunday school lesson. So, one night, he was reading a passage in 1 Peter and he read that verse about women having a gentle and quiet spirit.

[5:34] And this rage just flew over me. And I screamed at him to stop reading. And I reached across the table and I grabbed his Bible.

[5:48] I pulled it out of his hands and I threw it in his face. Now, even though I didn't know what a gentle and quiet spirit was, I knew that was not it.

[6:00] So, it was very embarrassing. Even I was embarrassed about that. But he did quit talking.

[6:12] I'm surprised he didn't react. He was stunned. Everybody was stunned. I was stunned at what I had done. But, women having a gentle and quiet spirit is a common problem that they don't have it.

[6:31] In fact, most of the women you know, or even yourself, you probably struggle somewhat in this regard. all Christians are to be gentle with others and not contend against God.

[6:48] But ladies have a special mandate. So, it's 1 Peter 3, verse 3 and 4. Do not let your adornment be merely external.

[7:00] Arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. So, it's okay to have external adornment. We all need some external adornment.

[7:11] But, don't let it be your only adornment. But, let it be the hidden person of the heart.

[7:24] Now, the heart is who you are on the inside. It's what you're thinking. It's what you're desiring. It's, it's, when the Bible talks about the heart, they're not talking about the physical heart and the body.

[7:37] They're talking about what you're desiring, what you're longing for, what you are thinking. And it says, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible, or you could say unfading, unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

[8:01] We have this couple in our church, and years ago, they were young, and I was younger. They had a problem when it was raining, pouring down rain, with water seeping into their basement, and then their house.

[8:20] And so, her husband was at work one day, and it was pouring down rain, and there was, they had some kind of contraption under there, that if, like a pump, and it would automatically come on and pump the water out.

[8:39] Well, that particular day, the pump didn't come on, which meant she needed to go outside and crawl under the crawl space and turn on the pump.

[8:52] Well, she didn't want to do that. And I don't blame her, but she called her husband and just demanded that he come home. Now, he worked for Delta Airlines.

[9:03] He was a mechanic, and he was doing something important. And he said, I can't leave right now, but you know what to do. You can go under there.

[9:14] And so, she's crying and hot calling. She's just devastated because he wouldn't come fix it for her. And so, she finally decided that she would do that.

[9:30] She knew how to do it. She knew what to do. So, she went under there and she fixed it. So, when he got home from work, he just said, I want to know if you have regained your gentle and quiet spirit.

[9:47] Now, what do you think the chances were at that point that she said, oh, yes, I'm happy now. But anyway, he was a young man trying to help his wife there.

[10:03] And he told me this story. He laughed. He said, usually, I do leave work and drive all the way home and fix it.

[10:14] But that particular day, he just, he could not leave. So, what I want to do in this hour is define what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit.

[10:27] Give you some biblical principles regarding this gentle spirit. And then, some practical tips to be helped by God's grace develop a gentle and quiet spirit.

[10:45] And then, I'm going to give you some homework. So, I'm a biblical counselor, so I always give homework. Definition of gentle and quiet spirit. Well, it's two different words here.

[10:57] Gentle could also be translated meek. It describes a condition of your mind and of your heart.

[11:07] It is seen in outward behavior. It is an enwrought grace of the soul. Matthew Henry says, it is that temper of spirit in which we accept God's dealings with us as good, therefore, without disputing, resisting, struggling, or contending with him.

[11:31] This meekness, this gentleness, is also seen when facing evil men and realizing that even evil acts against us are permitted and employed by God for the chastening, the punishment, and purifying of his elect.

[11:50] So, a quiet spirit is a tranquility within your heart, and it is, causes no disturbance to others.

[12:05] So, if you put these two things together, this kind of gentleness is a meekness. It is accepting God's dealings with her as good.

[12:21] She does not resist nor dispute with God. In addition to a gentle heart, she's not given to anger or fear. So, it all boils down to two things.

[12:33] She accepts God's dealings with her as good, even if they're very difficult. And, the second thing is she's not given to anger or fear.

[12:47] So, I want to give you some biblical principles that, from the scripture, from God's word, that you can figure out more about what this is.

[13:01] The first principle is, a Christian woman is to have a gentle spirit. So, I'm going to read this again, 1 Peter 3, 3 and 4, and just make some comments as we go.

[13:18] Do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. well, it's okay to have outward beauty and enjoy the freedom in the Lord that he has given us in this area, but outward beauty should not be your only beauty.

[13:41] Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart. Now, this work of God's grace inside of us, in our hearts, it's a miracle, really.

[13:53] it's secret and encompasses holy thoughts, words, and actions. Paul talked about this when God saves you, you are a new man, or we could say a new woman.

[14:11] Paul also wrote about this inward change. Romans 7, verse 22, the inward man, and then getting back to Peter, he said, with the incorruptible, this is not depraved or affected by the corruption in the world, it's unfading, it's of eternal worth.

[14:34] So, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, tranquil and peaceable inside and out, accepting God's dealings with her is good, which is very precious in the sight of God.

[14:50] this is what is important to God, not the external beauty. So, this sin of not having a gentle and quiet spirit is, we should take it seriously.

[15:12] Now, you have a circle in your outline there, and if you'll draw a line through the middle of the circle and you can put right in some sins, I'm going to call them the minor sins.

[15:31] God doesn't consider them minor, but we do, like worry would be one of them, or maybe just a little outburst of anger, or a little bit of selfishness, or what else could we think of, the minor things that we probably don't, maybe yelling at the kids just once today, that kind of thing, but then under the line, we're going to put the really bad sins, we're going to put murder, we're going to put robbing a bank, we're going to put telling a little white lie on the top part, but really a big whopper of a lie underneath the line.

[16:24] Now, the line is the line that we won't cross, so this, God doesn't have an arbitrary line that he thinks, well, we're not okay with him if we're just not doing anything but the little sins, but we've never murdered anybody.

[16:49] My dad used to, when I was witnessing to him and giving him the gospel, he would talk to me and then when I would leave, he would call his cousin.

[17:04] His cousin would say things like, she doesn't know what she's talking about. Now, I was giving him the gospel and that was confusing to daddy because he knew I studied the Bible, I taught the Bible, I wrote books about God and about the Bible, but his cousin would say, you are a good person, you deserve to go to heaven.

[17:34] And then daddy would call me on the phone after he talked to his cousin and said, let me tell you what Joe said. Well, it was always the same thing.

[17:46] And I would say, daddy, your chances are zero of getting into heaven because he was in the world's view a good man.

[18:00] He was faithful to my mother. He was a good man. He went to church. He took care of his family. But he was not perfect.

[18:12] And that's what you have to be to go to heaven. God has to save you, has to forgive you of your sins.

[18:23] So we can think, we can measure ourselves by other people and say, well, I'm not like her.

[18:33] I don't do that. And oh, mercy. And one woman I witnessed to and gave her my testimony. Well, I have a really colorful testimony before I got saved.

[18:46] And she just kept saying, oh, my, I would have never have done that. I would have. And I'm like, will you get over yourself and listen to me?

[18:58] You sin just like we all do. So anyway, I was trying to help her see her sin, but she wasn't seeing it.

[19:09] So the first biblical principle is that we are to have a, let's see what it says, gentle spirit.

[19:22] And the principle number two, this meekness is shown towards God through silent submission of our souls to the word of God without murmuring or disputing.

[19:37] Now this word, gentleness or meekness, is closely related to the word for humility. It is a fruit of the spirit that we can then manifest in our hearts, in our outward behavior, Galatians 5, after the Lord saves us.

[20:00] It's shown in attitudes like being teachable, having a desire to learn, agreeing that God's precepts or principles are right and good, even if what God requires is not what you want or what you previously believed to be true.

[20:21] Now, I want to read a quote from Matthew Henry's book. Meekness, or we could say gentleness, opens the ear to discipline, silences objections, and suppresses the rising of the carnal mind against the word, the word of God, consenting to the law that it is good and esteeming all of God's precepts to be right, even when they give the greatest check to flesh and blood.

[20:57] So even if you are struggling with a very difficult time, very difficult situation in your life, God wants us to not rail against him, but he wants us to come to him for comfort and help, and he promises never to give us more than we can bear.

[21:26] So the second principle is meekness is shown through silent submission of the soul to the word of God without murmuring or disputing.

[21:40] The third principle, meekness is shown towards God through silent submission of the soul to the providence of God concerning us.

[21:55] So we've all been through difficult times. We can look back on our lives and say this particular year or this particular thing that happened was a very difficult time for me.

[22:10] So if you don't know what providence is, let me give you a definition. the continuing action of God by which he preserves in existence the creation which he has brought into being and guides it to his intended purposes for it.

[22:32] God's intended purposes for his creation is to bring himself glory and honor. so we're in the throes of this political time right now and when Trump turned his head and that bullet didn't blow his brains out and just grazed his ear, he didn't know how to express that but for a while he was saying it was a miracle.

[23:05] It wasn't a miracle. If it was a miracle, God would have picked him up and moved him. So it was the providence of God that God used to preserve his life.

[23:20] So now he learned, somebody told him you need to know what providence is. So now he says providence so he sounds like better, he knows what he's doing. So silent submission of the soul to the providence of God.

[23:35] God, we want to live by faith when circumstances are grievous and difficult and God uses many means to test us trials in our life that are difficult but used for our good to prune us, to mold us to his image and test our faith.

[24:00] even evil done to us by others can be turned to good through God's providence. There's nothing that happens to you or me in our lives that are just for no reason.

[24:17] Everything has a purpose. God's ways are higher than ours and we are to trust him and walk in obedient grateful faith.

[24:29] faith. In Romans 8, 28 and 29, this is an astounding promise.

[24:41] Now, from the moment you get saved, when God saves you, until you go to be with him, however long that is, God is, he gave you a new heart, he forgave you of your sin when you were saved, and then he begins to transform you into Christ-likeness.

[25:05] Now, you're never going to be sinless perfection in this life. That's in glory when we go to be with him. But we are, they call that sanctification.

[25:19] The word sanctify, the root word is hagios, means to be holy. holy. So, you should be able to look back from the time you got saved until now, and know, well, I am more loving, I am more kind, I am more humble.

[25:36] Not perfectly in those things, but God has worked in my life. You should be sinning less, but be more sensitive to the sin in your life.

[25:51] you want to be mindful of thinking and acting in a God-focused direction instead of a self-focused direction.

[26:04] Hebrews, I mean, Romans 8 says, Paul wrote, and we know that God causes all things, all things are the good things that happen to you as well as the difficult things that happen to you, to work together for good, but the hitch is to those who love God.

[26:27] You have to be a born-again Christian, you have to be trying to be obedient to his word for this promise to apply to you.

[26:38] God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those that are called according to his purpose, and then he tells us what God's purpose is.

[26:53] For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to become conformed to the image of his son. And then it goes on there with promise after promise after promise.

[27:07] So, Romans 8, 28 and 29, and then way back in Genesis, at the end of Genesis chapter 50, you may, you probably remember the story here.

[27:26] Joseph's brothers were jealous of him, and so instead of killing him, they sold him off as a slave, and then he was taken down to Egypt, and then he was falsely accused of the master that brought him, him, his wife falsely accused him, and Joseph was put into prison for years.

[27:53] And then finally, through providential circumstances and miraculous circumstances, God brought him out and interpreted Pharaoh's dream.

[28:07] Well, the Pharaoh took that seriously and put Joseph in second command under him, and then they had seven years of feast and seven years of famine.

[28:22] Meanwhile, his father and brothers and family back in Canaan, they were getting hungry, and the famine had spread that far.

[28:36] So, his brothers came down to Egypt to buy grain from Pharaoh's storehouse. They didn't recognize Joseph, but Joseph knew who they were.

[28:49] Finally, they found out who he was, and that was horrifying for them, because they figured, well, when our father dies, Joseph, the first thing he's going to do is either kill us or put us in prison.

[29:06] So, they came to Joseph after their father died, and he said, they said that they were afraid that what would happen after their dad died.

[29:22] And in chapter 50, verse 18, then his brothers also came and fell down before him and said, behold, behold, we are your servants.

[29:33] But Joseph said to them, do not be afraid, for am I in God's place? Now, if anybody deserved to take their brothers and put them in prison or kill them, I would have killed them, probably, if that would have been me, it was Joseph.

[29:52] But Joseph said to his brothers, as for you, what you did, you meant evil against me. But, at the same time, God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result to preserve many people alive.

[30:14] And then he comforted them, comforted them. So, therefore, do not be afraid. I will provide for you and your little ones. and he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

[30:27] So, he was seeing this from a secular, worldly viewpoint and from God's viewpoint. There was nothing happenstance in all those years and all those terrible circumstances that he went through.

[30:46] But God was using it for ultimate good. and then Hebrews 11, starting in verse 1.

[31:07] Verse 1 says, Now, faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

[31:18] for by it, the faith, the men of old gained approval. And then verse 8, By faith Abraham, when he was called out of the pagan land of Ur to go to Canaan, by faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance.

[31:44] And he went out not knowing where he was going. And he lived as a nomad in this land for years.

[31:59] But he was, and the author of Hebrews said in verse 10, For he was looking for the city which has foundations whose architect and builder is God.

[32:13] Abraham didn't really exactly know. He didn't know at all where he was going. But he ended up in this pagan land full of idol worshippers.

[32:26] But he knew that somehow, some way, that God had a purpose in this for him. And he obeyed God even though he couldn't see clearly exactly what was going to happen.

[32:45] So, you hear, you read Christian women's books, you hear people, some conferences will say, they'll get up and they'll say, well, Christ died because you are so worthy.

[33:04] Please, just don't even say that. I just, he alone is worthy, the Bible says, are you're so significant. They have a man centered view of sanctification.

[33:20] They will say things like, if you just realized how special you are in Christ, you wouldn't have this problem with worry, you wouldn't have this problem with depression, whatever.

[33:32] But when I'm counseling, and I've done tons of counseling of women over the years, I, one of the first things that I talk to them about is the gospel, and then I give them hope, and then I want them to start thinking in terms of the two greatest commandments, and that means loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and loving others as you love yourself.

[34:05] If we loved others as much as we love ourselves, that would be God's standard. So, my counselees, whatever, it doesn't matter what their issue is, what the problem is, they, I want them to go to, be able to go to the scriptures, and find out, okay, in this situation, how should I be thinking, and responding, and how then should I be acting?

[34:37] one time, I remember asking a gal, she was really, really struggling with extreme anxiety, and she had very bad doctrine, Bible doctrine, the teaching of the Bible, and so she was just floundering, and I said, well, have you ever prayed a prayer, or thought the thought, or had the desire, God, use me for your glory, no matter what that means for me, and she said, no, and I will never do that, because if I say that, he might do something bad, you know, for me, so she was all mixed up with her view of God, with her view of her purpose in life, it was like God was her slave, instead of her being a slave to the

[35:43] Lord, wanting to be used for his glory, another example would be thinking, if somebody hurts your feelings, how can I show love to that person who has hurt me, that's hard to do, we overcome evil with good, so we fight back, but it's not naturally what we want to do, the Lord knows better how best we can glorify him, if you have a trial that you can't see the end of it, God promises he won't let us be tempted or pressured beyond what we are able to bear, one of my favorite verses is 1 Corinthians 10 and verse 13, this is a promise to believers, it says no temptation, now the New Testament was written originally in

[36:45] Greek, so the word temptation can also be translated pressure pressure or trial, so no pressure, no trial has overtaken you, but such as is common to man, and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be pressured beyond what you're able, but it can feel like it sometimes, but with the pressure or temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to bear up under it, so about seven years ago, our daughter was diagnosed with very severe aggressive breast cancer, and it was like out of the blue, this kind of happened, and it was scary, and her attitude, and she's fine now, but she went through a lot, and her attitude was she was in a win-win situation, and I said, so go figure, how do you come to that conclusion?

[38:05] She said, well, if I live, if the Lord allows me to have a cure, then that's a win, but if he takes me to be with him, then that's a win, you know, for her, I'm like, well, what about the rest of us that are back here, and she would just smile, and she'll say, well, my anchor is holding, God was an anchor for her soul, so it would, she would help me, instead of me ministering to her, I remember one day, the chemo was very harsh, and her hair fell out really fast, and so I don't know what, about halfway through that, of course, she's bald-headed, and we bought her a wig, but she said it was hot, so she didn't wear a wig very much, but I said, keep the wig, I might need it, so anyway, she started crying,

[39:10] I was over there helping her, and I said, what's the matter, and she said, I just know my hair's gonna come in gray, and I'm like, no it won't, I had no idea, I just made that up, I didn't know what color it was gonna be when it came back in, but genetically, I knew that she was kind of in my line, this is my hair, I'm starting to turn gray now, but anyway, she, I said, no it's just gonna be just like it was, it's gonna, you'll be a brunette, it's not gonna be gray, and she said, oh okay, and so I'm a nurse, so I thought, I think she thought I knew what I was talking about, we did not learn that in nursing school, but anyway, it came in damaged and ugly, but then all that grew out, and then her normal hair came in, so, it,

[40:12] I don't know how I got into that, but, we need to think in God centered terms, this was a trial that Anna went through, and it was life or death trial, so, we need to be thinking in terms of God, use me for your glory, however you choose, if somebody hurts your feelings, think in terms of Lord, how can I show love to that person who has hurt me, think in terms of God knows better than I do, how I can best glorify him, and he won't let me be pressured or tempted beyond what I'm able to bear, it is a privilege to suffer for his sake, I mean, the apostle Paul thought that for sure, and you can go back later and look up

[41:16] Philippians 1 29 and 1 Peter 3 17 and Acts 4 41, so biblical principle number four, meekness is shown towards others through prudently governing our own anger whenever anything occurs that is provoking, now Martin Luther, 500 years ago, he was a Catholic priest and then he got saved and then you probably know all about him, but he wrote, one of his books he wrote regarding this gentleness and Martin Luther had a sense of humor, but he said, Christians must not be sharp and bitter, but gentle, mild, courteous, and fair spoken, and such as make others delight in their company, they can wink at other men's faults and will be well contented to yield and give place to others, contented to bear with those who are froward, froward is an old-timey word, this just means difficult and intractable, as someone said, thou must know the manner of thy friends, but thou must not hate them,

[42:40] I thought that was so funny, such a one was our Savior Christ, it is said of Peter that he wept often as he remembered the sweet mildness of Christ, it is an excellent virtue and most necessary in every kind of life, in one part of Matthew Henry's book, he said, does Christ have need of mad men, and of course, the answer is no, that's not how the Lord wants us to respond, now in Matthew Henry's book on this gentle and quietness of spirit, he explained what he called the three great dictates of meekness, and the first one is hear, listen, hear, reason, this means carefully hear the matter fully before reacting, it is so hard not to just pop off whatever comes to your mind, he used the example of God in Genesis coming down to see the city and the tower of Babel the people had built,

[43:58] Genesis 11, in Proverbs 17, Solomon wrote, stop contention before the quarrel starts, and then Proverbs 16 says, he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city, and then Proverbs 18 says, a fool has no delight in understanding, but only in expressing his own heart, and Proverbs 18, 13, he who answers a matter before he hears it, it's folly and shame to him, so we hear half the story, and then we start emotionally reacting, and then just saying whatever, and make a fool out of ourselves, but he who answers a matter before he hears it fully, got to hear both sides of the story, so the first dictate is hear reason, the second dictate is keep passion silent, now the passion that the

[45:10] Puritans talked about is you're talking about your emotions, so keep your emotions silent, take time for a sober thought upon the case, whatever's happening, for example, Nehemiah's reaction, Nehemiah, the temple had been destroyed, the Jews had been taken off slaves to Babylon, and finally when Cyrus became the king, he let Nehemiah and other Jews come back to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem, and there were people, men, opposing him, trying to intimidate him to stop working on the wall, and Nehemiah's reaction to me was amazing to them, and he said, and I became very angry when

[46:20] I heard their outcry in these words, and then after serious thought, I rebuked the nobles and the rulers, so he didn't just pop off whatever was in on his mind at the moment, and I have told probably hundreds of women, counselees, to, if their husband or somebody's trying to manipulate, then we're going to talk about manipulation tomorrow, sometime tomorrow, if they're saying things that aren't true, or making false accusations against you, or doing something that is just making you just seethe with anger, don't react to that, say, let me think about how I want to respond, and I'll get back with you, so Nehemiah was saying the same thing, after serious thought, he came back and rebuked the nobles and the rulers, and then in

[47:36] Proverbs 15, 28, the heart of the righteous studies, or ponders, how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil, so I've told, I don't know how many counselees of mine to, if they don't know what to say back, just say, I need to think about what I'm going to say, and I'll get back with you, and then go to another room, sit down, and write down, he said, I said, he said, I said, and then when you see it, you'll be able to analyze it biblically, okay, this is the point where I went wrong, and I should have not said what I just said, but I should have said, and then come back and say, okay, when I said, I hate you, I never want to see you again, that's not what

[48:37] I should have said, this is what I should have said, so, the heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil, so, listen up, hear reason, keep passion silent, that's your emotions, and then thirdly, then God will give you the grace to bear up under the provocation, and we've already read 1 Corinthians 10 verse 13, so, I, and I've done this, I've kind of cut my teeth as a Christian on doing this myself, but, when I read Ephesians chapter 4, and starting in verse 22, it says, in reference to your former manner of life, this is how you were as an unbeliever, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lust of deceit, right now, we have habit patterns of how we think and how we react that are sinful sometimes, and they're just automatic,

[50:10] I mean, we just, they'll just fly into our mind, and it's like second nature to us, but Paul is saying here, like you were before, you've got to put that aside, and verse 23, that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, you're going to have to analyze it biblically, of what you were thinking, and then put on the new self, what you should have been thinking, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth, and then he gives example after example after example, for example, verse 29, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear, so it's just like the Puritans called this holy,

[51:21] H-O-L-Y sweat, you've got to work at becoming more and more godly, you've got to fight those old habit patterns that are wrong with your reacting and thinking, and my mother used to say, well that's just how I am, well that's how she was, she was a worrier, so we'll talk about that more tomorrow, but I knew that the Lord would help her, but I think it's the first time she ever heard somebody say that she could change, and it, I'm not sure she ever changed, but she did temper some of her fearful outbursts, all right, so when you are struggling with not having a gentle and quiet spirit, the emotion you feel when you're frustrated, when you're angry is frustrated or irritated, that's the emotion you feel, so when you feel that way, then stop for a second and think, what was I thinking, and write it down, and then search the scriptures, and start realizing, this is work, this is disciplining yourself for the purpose of godliness, but it pays off, and the

[52:53] Lord will help you, what should I have been thinking, so, this is putting off the old self, being renewed in your mind, and putting on the new self, if you want to do a deeper dive into how to think biblically, my Attitudes of a Transformed Heart book in chapter nine, as a whole chapter, and how to think biblically, and then what Paul wrote about this in Philippians, and he just gives a whole list of let your mind dwell on these things, and then I give examples of what these things are, so I made a chart, I love to, they're my favorite thing when I'm writing a book, is making comparison charts, so on the left side of the chart, is anger slash natural passions, natural emotions, and then on the right side of the chart, is meekness slash a grace from

[54:07] God, God, and an obligation of man to respond after serious deliberation, all right, here's an example of a natural passion, that irritates me, that used to be my favorite sentence, my favorite thought as an unbeliever, a grace from God reaction would be, what, no matter what has happened, I am being providentially hindered, and must stop and thank God for the interruption, God is good and he has a purpose in this, Romans 8, it talks about, Paul talks about this, we're not going through these things in vain, God has a high and holy purpose for it, here's one on anger natural passions, yelling at the children in anger because they are bickering, instead of that initial screaming at the kids, remind yourself the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of

[55:20] God, so however you want to deal with these children who are fighting and yelling at each other, whatever they're doing, you want to be able to help them, and you want God to be honored, and you want to achieve the righteousness of God, so think I need to help each child take the beam out of their own eye, and I recommend to mothers, like if she comes into the room, or she hears the kids in the other room, and they're screaming and yelling at each other, and crying, and go in there, and speak in a normal tone of voice, and what happens is they can't hear you, so they'll calm down a little bit, and then tell, maybe you've got three or four kids, and they're just in a brouhaha, sit one child here, one child here, one child here, one child there, go to the oldest one, it doesn't matter who did what, or who said what to begin this fight, but go to the oldest one, and don't say, what did your brother do, say, in this situation, what do you think you are doing wrong, and they'll look at you like a deer in the headlights, and, because that's not what they're expecting you to say, but help them to see what their responsibility was, to begin with, or how they should have responded, even if it was their little brother's fault, and if they don't,

[57:08] I tell moms, if that one child that you're talking to is pushing back, and he's angry, and he's not cooperating with your training, then you've got, he needs some kind of discipline, so set that aside, and deal with him privately later, so go to the next oldest, what do you think you did wrong, and by the time you get down the line, they've all devised what they've done wrong, you know, in that situation, but if you just go in there like a screaming maniac, and just who did what, and, you know, grab the child that is being accused, he may be being falsely accused, for all you know, and you start spanking him, so just have a plan, then at least you have a chance there, remember,

[58:13] I need to help each child see their sin, and take the beam out of their own eye, then appropriately correct each child individually, even though they're children, they can start learning how to look inward, and get the beam out of their own eye, before they can see the speck in their brother's eye, Matthew 7, here's a bad example, became too intense and harsh in tone of voice, with friend who does not agree doctrinally with me, now I was like a new Christian, I was driving everybody crazy, because there was Bible doctrine I would have died for now that I don't even believe anymore, so be careful about how you're responding to people, but instead we should remind ourselves that when dealing with doctrinal error, and this is important, 2 Timothy 2, the Lord's bondservant is first of all gentle, we need to remember how far God has brought us, and then speak in a calm, gentle tone of voice, one of the things that I've learned that is helpful, you want to try to help the other person to at least consider what you're going to say, and I would say, well, you might want to consider, and that just kind of, it's not like, well, you're wrong and you have to believe what I believe, but you might want to consider, and then give them, and if you don't know what to say, say,

[60:05] I need to think about what I want to say, and I'll get back with you, so, and then, here's an example of feeling very frustrated and aggravated with a lady driving very slowly, and I was in a hurry, now, I would not be the one frustrated and aggravated, I would be the little old lady who was driving slowly, driving everybody else crazy, but we should be thinking, instead of thinking about the person driving slowly, hurry up, get out of the way, slamming your hand on the steering wheel, say to yourself, in that situation, Lord, thank you for testing me this morning, it's a test, you're not passing it, if you're getting angry and frustrated, and thank you for reminding me that you are in control, here's another quote from

[61:05] Matthew Henry's book, meekness is forward to forgive injuries and put up with affronts, and has some other excuse, some excuse or other ready wherewith to extenuate and qualify the provocation, which an angry man will industriously aggravate, while the world is so full of the sparks of provocation, and there is so much tender, like sparks, in the hearts of the best, no marvel if anger comes sometimes into the bosom of a wise man, but anger rests only in the bosom of fools, my good friend had to spend the night in the ER the other night, and she called me the next morning and said, they're dismissing me, can you come get me, so I went and got her, so I picked her up, and we were coming out of the hospital parking lot, and turning onto a busy highway, and there were cars coming,

[62:13] I had, I didn't have the green light, I had the red light, but you can turn right on red in Georgia, but I was looking back to see if it was clear, and there were two cars coming down the hill pretty fast, so I hesitated, and then one of them got in the right turn lane to turn into the hospital, but the way the angle was, I couldn't really see, the one turning car was bigger than the one that was beside him, and he was hidden, I couldn't tell if he was going to also turn or if he was going to zip right in front of me, and this truck driver was behind me, well he could see, I'm sure, because his, you know, trucks are higher, he honked at me, well I got so mad, I wanted to stop and tell him, you don't understand, it would, you know, we would have had a horrible wreck if I had pulled out, but I thought, well maybe he has a gun,

[63:20] I probably shouldn't do that, so anyway, I just, then once I could see, and that car was zipping right in front of me, and maybe the truck driver realized, well maybe I should stop honking at her, I don't know, but anger resides sometimes in the bosom of a wise man, but it rests only in the bosom of fools, it says that in Ecclesiastes 7, I was surprised that I reacted so strongly to that little honk of the horn, because I felt like I was, I wanted to be vindicated, is what I wanted to be, alright, principle number five, meekness teaches and enables us to bear the anger of others, now in Psalm 39 verses 1 through 4,

[64:23] King David said, I will guard my ways, lest I sin with my tongue, I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, while the wicked are before me, I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good, and my sorrow was stirred up, my heart was hot within me, while I was musing, the fire burned, then I spoke with my tongue, Matthew Henry said, better to yield by silence to our brother, than by angry speaking to yield to the devil, who will ever be our sworn enemy, so we need to think about how we want to respond, and prepare a soft answer, a soft answer turns away wrath, it helps the other person to calm down, and that dialect,

[65:27] James says, is wisdom from above, which is peaceful, gentle, easy to be, and treated, and then principle number six, a Christian woman is to have a quiet spirit, spirit, now, I liked how Matthew Henry gave a contrast, he said, the wicked are compared to the troubled sea, when it cannot rest, whose waters cast forth mire and dirt, you know, the ocean, if there's a storm, and the ocean is just boiling, and seaweed, and grass, and dirt, and all kinds of stuff are in that, and, but meekness, he said, is like the grace of the spirit of God, and he's thinking about in Genesis, moving upon the face of the waters, and quiets them, now, we had a lady one time in our church, a long time ago, and she was petite, and blonde, and beautiful, and I just don't even like people like that, so, but I had to love her, because she was a

[66:46] Christian, I was a Christian, and she was so dainty, and she whispered when she talked, and I thought, well, that must be what a gentle and quiet, I don't know how she got that, but she's got this gentle and quiet spirit, well, it, I got to know her, and finally, I got to know her pretty good, pretty well, and I finally figured out she is mean as a snake, but when she says these words, or these cut downs, or whatever, it's just the sweetest little voice coming out of her, so I figured, well, whatever a gentle and quiet spirit is, it's not whispering when you talk, it does mean that the person is not given to anger or fear, she trusts God, there's a corresponding tranquility in her soul, and she has a calming effect on her family, and her children, and her husband, and other people, she's looking forward to what God is going to do, she makes her request known to

[68:06] God, Philippians 4, verse 6, and 7, she casts her cares upon him, because she knows and remembers that he cares for her, 1 Peter 5, verse 7, a quiet soul, even if provoked, does not fret at all, nor perplex itself with anxious cares, but composes itself to make the best of that which is.

[68:38] This quietness, Matthew Henry said, is a good step taken towards the perfect man, the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

[68:51] grace. So we need to pray, we need to beg God for the grace to be a woman with a gentle and quiet spirit. Now, what did I say the two things were?

[69:03] She's not given to fear or anger, and she accepts God's dealings with her as good.

[69:15] Okay, now, I'm going to give you a test, and this is your homework, and don't look at anybody else's paper, but just your own, but you got to have something to write with.

[69:28] When I ask these questions, if you know that you struggle with that particular question, circle the number, and then when you can go home or next week, you can go back through this, look up the scriptures, think about this, pray about it, and ask God to help you.

[69:50] All right, Lord, what should I have been thinking when that happened, or what should I have done, or how should I have prayed when that happened? So number one, so don't look at your neighbor's paper.

[70:05] Am I more likely to think this makes me mad, or with the first thing that pops in your head, what might God be doing in this situation?

[70:19] Proverbs 19, one, a man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression. Number two, what would more likely come to your mind?

[70:34] Love is patient, I can respond in a kind way and give glory to God, or this irritates me. First Corinthians 13, love is patient, love is kind, it's not jealous, it doesn't brag, it's not arrogant, it doesn't act unbecomingly, it doesn't seek its own way, and it is not provoked.

[70:57] Number three, which describes how you would likely react, sighing and withdrawing in anger, or in gentleness trying to help the other person understand?

[71:11] Colossians 3, 12 and 13, so as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another, putting up with one another, forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

[71:38] number four, do you ever stop and ask yourself, why am I angry? Why so very angry? Why angry at all?

[71:50] What reason is there for all this emotion? Should I be so strongly reacting because of such a sudden and transient provocation?

[72:02] Philippians 2, verse 3 through 5, do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit. Empty conceit is your own vainglory, but with humility of mind, what you're thinking, regard one another as more important than yourselves.

[72:21] Now, this, as a new Christian, that sentence, regard one another as more important than yourselves, really helped me with my relationship with my husband.

[72:35] And even after all these years, sometimes I have to remind myself, okay, I've got to consider him as more important than myself. And then I talk to myself and I say, no, but I'm probably not the only one who struggles with that.

[72:52] Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interest of others. And then later you can look up 1 Timothy 6, verse 11.

[73:03] Number five, while angry, do you ever reveal secrets, slander, make rash vows, make railing accusations, use reviling language, call names, or take God's name in vain?

[73:19] Titus 3, 1 and 2, remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.

[73:38] Number six, are you more likely to play angry thoughts over and over in your mind or to give the other person a blessing by praying for them?

[73:50] Ephesians 4, 31 and 32, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice.

[74:03] Malice is meanness, it's wishing ill will. Instead, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

[74:18] Number seven, are you clearing yourself when unjustly accused or are you really proud and quarreling? 1 Peter 2, starting in verse 19, for this finds favor for if for the sake of conscience towards God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.

[74:42] For what credit is there if when you sin and are harshly treated you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.

[75:00] Number eight, is it easy for you to acknowledge your error or do you insist upon your own vindication? 1 Peter 5, 5, and all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another.

[75:16] God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble. Number nine, will you listen to and consider someone else's reproof.

[75:27] Reproof is when somebody tells you what you're doing wrong of you even if they are your inferior such as your child or do you bully them and blame them?

[75:42] Psalm 37, 5-8, commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as the noon day.

[75:56] Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret because of Him who prospers in His way, because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.

[76:10] Cease from anger and forsake wrath. Do not fret, playing it over and over in your mind. It leads only to evil doing. number ten, do you struggle greatly with difficult emotions such as anxiety or frustration during the days before your menstrual period?

[76:32] Is it likely your entire family will know your hormones are acting up? First Peter 3, 3-4, your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart, who you are on the inside with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

[76:59] I remember the first time I ever read that when I read the Bible for the very first time when I got saved, I was 33 years old, and I remember stopping and praying and I knew I didn't really understand what that meant, but I said, Lord, I do want to be precious to you.

[77:19] And I'm sure he would tell you, well, sometimes she was, but don't you want God to think of you that way?

[77:30] Number 11, do you think calm thoughts, or are you, as Matthew Henry would say, disturbed within? James 3, verse 13, who among you is wise and understanding?

[77:44] Let him show by his good behavior, his deeds, and the gentleness of wisdom. I remember one time, years ago, neither one of us were Christians, and we had been married a few years, and we got in some argument, and I don't, neither one of us can remember what the argument was about, but I got so mad, I was standing in the kitchen, and I had a wooden spoon, kitchen spoon in my hand, and I slapped it down on the counter, and it broke, and then Sankey said, I wouldn't get that upset if the house were on fire.

[78:28] Well, that was funny, but it made me mad, too. But he's right, he wouldn't have. All right, number 12, do you deal, nobody would have, whatever it was, it was just ridiculous how I was acting, do you deal with gently with others with patience and compassion, or are you hard and unforgiving?

[78:55] Colossians 3, bearing with one another, forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

[79:07] Paul wrote in Philippians 4 or 5, let your gentle spirit be made known to all men, the Lord is near. Number 13, do you enjoy life and love life, or do you dread each day and fret and worry?

[79:26] Paul wrote in Philippians 4, we'll talk about this tomorrow in detail, but be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, a supplication is a humble request, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the promise is the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[79:54] And number 14, this just goes on forever, are you easily provoked and slow to anger? Proverbs 31, 26, the ex and wife opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongues.

[80:11] Verse 15, number 15, are your thoughts calm and rational, or do you sometimes overreact to circumstances? Ephesians 5, 2, walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

[80:34] And then you can read 1 Peter 2, 11 and 12 later. Number 16, are you more like the high priest in Hebrews 5 who has compassion on the ignorant and those going astray since he is also subject to weakness, or more like the wicked servant in Matthew 18 who would not have compassion and pity on his fellow servant?

[81:01] And when you read through this next week, read all these verses, especially the Matthew 18 Hebrews 5, 1 and 2, for every high priest taken from among men is appointed on behalf of men in things pertaining to God in order to offer both gifts and sacrifices for sin.

[81:25] He can deal gently with the ignorant and misguided since he himself is beset with weakness. 17, do you forbear, meaning putting up with others, or are you easily provoked for small cause?

[81:43] Psalm 78, but he being compassionate forgave their iniquity and did not destroy them and often restrained his anger and did not arouse all his wrath.

[81:56] Number 18, are you fiery and hasty with what you say, or do you think to take great care to think about how to respond? Ephesians 4, 29 and 30, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word is good for edification according to the need of the moment.

[82:19] And you know if it's a very awkward moment and you don't know what to say, just say, I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry.

[82:31] that you're going through this or it's, you don't always have to have an answer for everything. Number 19, do you use anger and threats to manipulate those under your authority or do you give instruction in love?

[82:50] Psalm 106, 32 and 33. This is talking about Moses. Number 20, do you err on the side of mercy when correcting those under your authority or are you harsh?

[83:05] Well, the Lord in Psalm 103 says, the Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in loving kindness, for he himself knows our frame.

[83:18] He is mindful that we are but dust. 21, do you treat others as you wish to be treated or do you treat them with contempt?

[83:29] Matthew 7, 12 is the golden rule. 22, do you grumble and complain at your present circumstances that disappoint you or are you grateful to God for what he is doing?

[83:42] 1 Thessalonians 4, 11, make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you so that you will behave properly toward outsiders and not be in any need.

[84:02] Then also you can look up Philippians 4, verse 12, 23, are you quick to imagine injuries, you've been offended, or do you assume the best about others unless proven otherwise?

[84:22] One time we had this very attractive young woman in our church and she was married to an unbeliever and it was a very difficult situation and the only reason I knew about it was she came to me for counseling.

[84:38] Well then one Sunday, and I don't know about y'all, but I always have my row and my seat that I sit in and so it's usually up way up near the front.

[84:54] So, one, there was these two young men that were single men and they would always sit behind us and one Sunday this gal that I had counseled was sitting with them and they were talking and laughing and just having a good time.

[85:17] But I couldn't really understand what they were saying, but I thought she is in a very bad marriage, very difficult. She shouldn't be flirting with these guys.

[85:29] I assumed she was flirting. I didn't know what they were saying. So, I let that go and then the next Sunday the same thing. So, then I thought, oh, I've got to go talk to her privately.

[85:43] So, I went to her and we talked and I said, I'm concerned that you're sitting with these guys and I know your marriage situation is very difficult.

[85:58] And she said, Martha, those men are my nephews. and I said, I turned beet red and I said, well, you can talk to your family whenever you want.

[86:16] So, but I could have gone to the elders. I could have gone to my girlfriends. I could have spread her reputation out all over the church.

[86:30] And I was the only one in the church that didn't know. I don't, I think that didn't know. But I'm just, and I told her, I said, oh, Lord, I'm glad I came to you first.

[86:47] And she said, yeah, so am I. All right. Verse 20, I mean, number 23, are you quick to imagine injuries and assume the best about others?

[86:59] Number 24, are you envious of the wicked? Or are you placing your trust in God? Psalm 73 is a very, very sweet psalm.

[87:11] You need to really key in on that. 25, are you becoming more aware of times when you're not gentle with others? Or if you are disputing with God, or do you see no need to change this area of your life?

[87:27] Well, 1 Corinthians 10, 12, Paul wrote, therefore, let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. And then, I think I'm just going to let you, well, there's just a few more, but I'm going to let you go through the whole thing next week and key in on the ones that you circled and pray and just beg God to make you a woman with a gentle and quiet spirit.

[88:00] This is not a natural phenomenon, and it is a gift from God, but as we mature, we'll dispute less and less with God, be more and more content, and more and more grateful for our life and our circumstances.

[88:18] All right, so let me pray, and tell me the baby's name again. Naomi. Naomi, okay. Heavenly Father, we do bow before you, and we are just amazed at your word and how practical it is.

[88:42] And we can read a verse like having a gentle and quiet spirit and then just go our merry way because we didn't murder somebody or we didn't rob a bank or we didn't beat up our children or do something really, really bad.

[89:00] But this is really, really bad in your eyes, and you give us the means of grace to convict us of this sin and to mold us more and more into your Christ-likeness.

[89:20] And we pray for baby Naomi. I pray that her little heart will catch up with where it's supposed to be and that she won't have any heart issues lingering.

[89:36] I pray that they will be able to help her, give her the medicine, whatever they need to do medically in order for her to have a cure if that is your will for her.

[89:54] And I pray for her mother and father and both sets of grandparents that they won't be overwhelmed with fear, but they will thank you for this baby's life and that she has come into the world and that we do have phenomenal medical care that we didn't used to have maybe even 10, 20 years ago.

[90:23] And I pray that you will give everybody calmness, that they will be grateful to you for the life of this baby.

[90:37] We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.